I don’t want to have sex with you.
Your erection, is not my responsibility.
If this is news to you, here are a couple of suggestions:
1) Learn how to develop human connections through the art of conversation. Ask interesting questions. Have interests.
2) Learn how to channel your sexual energy into other things, by using it as fuel for your Life; connect it to your Heart, circulate it through your body, connect it to your mind, fuel your art, creativity, and community projects.
3) If it’s uncomfortably overwhelming, go and masturbate in the bathroom and come back out for at least 5 minutes more erection-free conversation.
4) Maybe your Navigation is all off, and your erection leads you astray. Get aligned with your Body, Mind, and Spirit.
5) Go and find someone who shares your mutual desire for casual, meaningless sex.
So this is dedicated to all the boys with only one thing on their mind: sex.
I don’t want to have sex with you.
And I don’t owe you an explanation.
Personally, if I want you, I’ll let you know.
But some girls might not feel so comfortable doing that.
Maybe she hasn’t found her voice… so on behalf of her, here are some of the reasons why she doesn’t want to have sex with you:
Maybe she just wants to be friends.
Maybe she wants a relationship.
Maybe she wants to build a relationship based on friendship and shared interests.
Maybe she went to a girls school, and boys and men are aliens to her.
Maybe she has no brothers, no father, no uncle, no male friends, at all. Maybe she only knows the company of women.
Maybe she’s scared of you.
Maybe she wants a real man.
Maybe she’s sick of raising men.
Maybe everyone finds her beautiful, except herself.
Maybe she’s tired of being bothered by boring men trying to fuck her.
Maybe she’s just a friendly person.
Maybe she’s a Lesbian.
Maybe she already knows you don’t have what she wants or needs.
Maybe your clothes smell like stagnant washing. Maybe this already tells her all she needs to know.
Maybe she was sexually abused as a child, and will never get over it. Or maybe she will. Maybe she hasn’t decided, yet. Maybe she doesn’t know how.
Maybe she has body-issues.
Maybe she wants to fall in Love, get married, and have babies.
Maybe she doesn’t want to get pregnant, doesn’t want to take the pill, and hates condoms.
Maybe she needs Sexual Healing.
Maybe she’s only ever been raped, and has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Maybe she doesn’t know she has it. Maybe no one has ever let her talk about it, and she’ll never speak again.
Maybe she was seduced by too many older men in her twenties, and will never trust again.
Maybe her Heart is bruised.
Maybe she’s just here for the music…
Maybe she feels pressured to be happy. And smile. And not cry.
Maybe she’s a virgin, and you’re not the one.
Maybe she still believes in Love.
Maybe she wants to Make Love.
Maybe she can’t have what she wants; so there’s nothing that she wants.
Maybe she has her period.
Maybe she’s not in the mood.
Maybe she’s in Love with someone, right now. And it’s breaking her Heart.
Maybe she’s tired of shit boyfriends.
Maybe she’s tired of attempted rape.
Maybe you’d find all of this out if you cared to get to know her. No matter how long it takes.
I don’t want to have sex with you – no matter what I’m wearing.
Maybe she learned to get dressed from magazines and tv.
Maybe she DIDN’T buy her boobs, and doesn’t want to talk about them – even if they’re breathing. Even if they’re radiating.
Maybe she hasn’t learned how much strangers like to talk about them, because she’s used to being surrounded by people that treat her like a person.
Maybe she’s naturally classy.
Maybe she has no idea how hot she is. Maybe looks don’t matter to her.
Maybe you’re the pervert.
Maybe she just had to wear something, because society doesn’t make clothes that fit her.
Maybe she has no idea about fashion, and doesn’t care to.
Maybe she does.
Maybe she likes to dance – and dresses for the occasion.
Maybe her clothes reflect who she is.
Maybe they don’t.
Maybe she feels peer-pressured, or is just trying to fit it.
Maybe she doesn’t know that she’s in for a life of being sexualised yet…
You can’t go wrong with friendship.
Stop thinking about your penis, and meet people, and ask the kind of questions that bond two people together.
Now that you know some of the possible reasons why she doesn’t want to have sex with you, you can hold all of that in your Heart, and ask inquiring questions.
Or you can throw in some deep statements, and walk away for a while.
Things like, “I’m not afraid of your darkness.” and walk away.
“Maybe you could tell me about it, sometime.”
“I only like deep people.”
“I’m always interested in new friends.”
She’s a person, and your erection is your responsibility.
If you learn people-skills, maybe she’ll WANT to touch you. It’s not about having to convince someone you’re worth it. Prove it.
“Do you like casual sex, or do you prefer relationships?”
“What do you like about casual sex?”
“What do you like about relationships?”
“Do you feel confident enough to share a strong foundation of Love with someone, and an open sex-life, or are you more monogamous?”
“Parents together, or separated?”
– this will give you a good indication as to whether this person believes in Love, or not.
“Do you like books? What is one that really stands out? Did it teach you anything?”
“Do you watch movies?”
“What do you Love? Kittens, Rainbows, Holidays, Psychology… Money? What would you do with money?”
“Do you write? You look like a writer. You look deep. Where can I read what you’ve written?” Because if you’re interested in her, you’d like to get to know her mind.
You can talk about your sister, or your mother, or your dreams and aspirations.
Offer interesting and relevant things about yourself.
Talk about the last book that taught you something.
Ask her about her Heart. Find out what she Loves and Values.
“I really like deep conversations, but we’ll have to get to know each other better for that.”
And if she doesn’t want to talk to you, don’t hang around. Go away.
You can try coming back one more time, later, to see if she missed you.
And if you do it a few times, each time making sure it’s long enough that she’s forgotten about you – maybe even thought you’d left – you might begin to grow on her… and maybe she’ll want to be friends.
And then you can learn why she really doesn’t want to have sex with you.
If she doesn’t want to be friends, don’t push it, and understand NO.
Maybe she never wants to share again.