*…At Your Service…*

WHY MEN DON’T UNDERSTAND SEXUAL ABUSE

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Why don’t men understand sexual abuse?
Because they don’t know how to listen. 

Listening is a receptive quality that is usually attributed to females.
The “Yin” factor.

Receptivity has depth; it is in communion with all that is, and can draw from the pools of collective consciousness – depending on how far home you want to go.

This, is a man’s world.

Girls have been conditioned and groomed to be receptive; to be obedient.
To a male-god.
And to allll His representatives:
To the “man of the house”.
To the male-authorities in the community she grew up in – teachers; priests; government; business-men who control the money she’ll someday need to rent a house on stolen land.
– the primary reason prostitution of all sorts even exists.

But Life is Tantra; it is the exchange of yang (penetration) and yin (receptivity), forever.

When women express their natural yang nature, they are silenced by men; beaten into submission; called names; abused; locked-away – and yes: even murdered.
For daring to SPEAK her unscripted mind that does not say the words he wants to hear.

That’s why I write; from behind the safety of my computer screen, where I can express myself without being interrupted. talked-over, silenced, or abused.

Being receptive, I’ve noticed a trend around “men” on the internet, over this HW exposé: men do not understand sexual abuse.
“Why didn’t she DO this?”
“Why didn’t she DO that?”

Do?

To “Do” is yang.
She is not allowed to be yang.
She is only allowed to be submissive, obedient, and to act in accordance with his vision: The Male Gaze.

She lives in fear of being murdered.
And that is what men don’t understand about “coercion“; she is afraid.
Fight, flight, FREEZE.
She is threatened, bullied, harassed, manipulated, or held-captive until he gets what he wants.
The hell of staying with him a minute longer is shortened by surrendering sooner.
Playing dead may just save your life.

Not only do these men not understand sexual abuse; they don’t know how to listen when the generous women of the internet take valuable and precious time out of their lives to school them.
Thank you, Ladies! ❤
(And thank you to my bros who know I’m tired, and who understand that men don’t/can’t/won’t listen to women, and who educate the dinosaurs that still live amongst us… I feel excited to be alive to see these subtle changes grace our modern-days; to see the voice of men rising on behalf of women. Without having to ask.)

James Van Der Beek, of Dawson’s Creek fame, knows all too well what it feels like to be sexually harassed by older, powerful men in Hollywood:

“The actor didn’t name names, but he sympathized with women who have been silenced by fear and judgement that often accompanies speaking out against an abuser.

“I understand the unwarranted shame, powerlessness & inability to blow the whistle,” he continued. “There’s a power dynamic that feels impossible to overcome.”

“Along with a link to an article on The Cut about a writer’s experience in a hotel room with a “powerful man, Van Der Beek added, “For anyone judging the women who stayed silent, read this for perspective. Also for anyone brushing off harassment as ‘boys being boys’…What Weinstein is being accused of is criminal.””

“Why was it my responsibility to change the world?” ~ Liz Meriwether

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If Hollywood is owned by men, it is their visions, fantasies, stories, and animas that have penetrated our psyches: what we think might be women, might actually be just male-fantasy…
They highjacked the Dreamtime, and implanted it with nightmares.

The actresses who bring these female-characters to life weren’t counting on the one-dimensional perception of mankind through the lens of storytelling – she understands layers, and body-language, and pregnant silences. The average man does not.

But girls usually don’t realize this until they become women.
Sometime around the age of 30 (post-Saturn Return).

On my 30th Birthday, I looked around in horror as I realised:
“Oh my god; I’m older than every man on the planet.”
And I finally understood that “look” I’d seen in the eyes of women older than me.

Now: everyone is different. Generations are different. Times are different.

Joan Collins had to marry her rapist. 😭

Sarah Polley comments this:
“What else are we turning a blind eye to, in all aspects of our lives? What else have we accepted that, somewhere within us, we know is deeply unacceptable? And what now will we do about it?”

Emma Thompson says: “We’ve ALL had these experiences. I spent my 20’s trying to get old men’s tongues out of my throat.”
“This has been part of our world, women’s world, since time immemorial.”

Some girls can totally kick-ass – these might be girls with a strong Mars, or strong Fire-Signs and aspects in their charts.
They fight.
Most girls come from families where the men in their lives treat them like people: they do not yet know they are in for a life of sexual-abuse and assault “out there”.
They’re friendly, equal.
Some girls, have brothers that protect them, or teach them to fight just by growing up together.
Some girls are warned by their fathers to “watch out” for outside men.
These girls are lucky. And so are the boys. Family gives them foundation and context for the world.

HOWEVER
Some girls are not so lucky to be born into a Loving family: they are born into abuse.
Sexually abused by their fathers, grandfathers, brothers, uncles, and “family friends”.
Those girls have to grow up in his house.
Be forced to Love him; feel confused.
See him every day.
Pose for family photos.

I know a girl who dated her rapist for two years, after the incident.
Another, for 7 months.

Most of the time, it’s not strangers that rape you: imagine how safe that feels.

So why is Rose in photo with HW, after?
She’s an actress. A professional. At the time of this photo, I believe she was engaged to RR.
Just ‘guessing’… I might surmise her fiancé had assured her he’d “be right there”, “nothing will happen”, “we’re in a public place”. Maybe she felt invincible, that day. Loved.
She mentioned:
“My ex sold our movie to my rapist.”

I can imagine the sting of that betrayal.

Sometimes, it can take a while for a woman to register abuse; or even worse: to be affected by it.
Childhood memories may not surface until an older age.
Maybe the last – or latest – rape or assault is the straw that broke the camel’s back; after 30 years of sexual abuse and assault, see how nice you become.

People have told me they like me “better, before”.
Well guess what: I liked me, too.
I cannot BELIEVE the amount of abuse I have had to integrate and recover from; instead of having a life.
And every time I think it’s time to start again, I get interrupted by the Darkness of Man.

It takes an army of women to be heard.

And I feel somewhat Heartened by this whole Hollywood catching of a Big Fish…
Hollywood holds the collective-consciousness of the majority of the world.
These brave women have changed something.
– can you believe how long it took for anyone to even bring-up the word: JAIL?!
I hear he plans to “run to Europe” for rehab – before he’s put behind bars, don’t you think?

No-one wants to be renown for being a rape-victim – the shame is extinguishing.
It humiliates you until you shrink.
Hate yourself.
Become removed from the time-stream; never catching up to yourself.
Falling behind.
Becoming brain-damaged and growth-retarded.
Frozen.
Most girls with behavioural problems have suffered abuse, and tried to bury it.
The PSTD destroys your health.
Satire:

“Have a Worse, Shorter Life

This one’s self-explanatory: Let your hair down, go a little wild, and don’t value your own life because the world doesn’t value it, so what’s the point? Live with the metallic taste of injustice in your throat at all times, die sooner of stress-related illnesses, and thank your lucky stars you won’t live long enough to see your granddaughters go through the same horseshit trauma factory we call Earth!”

(Comedy/Tragedy are the twin-flames of storytelling.)

I have collected my courage from the various women who have spoken-out, over the years: Tara Moss, Pamela Anderson, and all the women in the powerful documentary, “Brave Miss World”, by Linor Abargil.

“Rape is so isolating.” ~ Linor Abargil

The one time I did find my voice, to write a poem about it, was because I had felt what it might feel like for someone to have my back in Love.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” ~ Lao Tzu

Present Day, I don’t feel so alone now that it’s in the spotlight…

I’m pretty sure women of the world would all much rather be following our dreams, chasing our goals, crafting our inventions, and writing and directing the movies and screenplays that carry the messages we so wanted to tell.
But, we don’t get to have a life.
We have to fight a never-ending war on sexual abuse, while men get to do whatever they want.

Screen Shot 2017-10-16 at 2.49.00 AM
Our lives are interrupted. By male-violence. Injustice. Horror. Shock. Disbelief. And PTSD.
Sometimes, we get murdered; instantly, or slowly.

They say: “Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans.”
When your life is interrupted, and/or darkened, you can see CLEARLY what is wrong with the world.

“You are taking part of someone’s soul. It’s happened to me. It alters the course of your life; it’s altered the course of my life.” ~ Rose McGowan

Mine too, Rose. Mine too.

*~ GROUP-HUG ~* to anyone who has suffered abuse at the hands of men.
I celebrate this moment, where a spotlight has been shone on a collective-shadow.
Thanks to the #RoseArmy and all the women who spoke out, speak up, and won’t shut-up until justice reigns on earth.

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17 responses

  1. Love says that she could get in trouble for libel before adding, “If Harvey Weinstein invites you to a private party in the Four Seasons, don’t go.”

    http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/7998698/watch-courtney-love-warn-about-harvey-weinstein-in-2005-red-carpet-interview

    October 15, 2017 at 6:49 pm

  2. “GENTLEMEN. GATHER.

    I hear you.
    You are shocked.
    You have daughters.
    You wish to express your outrage and solidarity with women.
    You wish to let us know that you would protect us from harm.
    You think Harvey Weinstein is a monster.
    You proclaim that WE must ALL do BETTER for our WOMEN.

    None of this is “incorrect.” These are all “right” answers. And I know you genuinely feel upset and angry and staggered at the scope of the crime.

    But I’m going to bring you into the inner circle right now, guys:

    I DON’T REALLY BELIEVE YOU. NONE OF US DO.

    We can’t afford to.

    I know and like hundreds of nice guys, and I trust 3 men on this entire fucking Earth.

    Gentlemen, no matter how nice you are, how many lady friends you have, how happily married, how many daughters you have sired, and how many chick flicks you’ve watched and then said, “Hey, that was actually pretty good,” 99.9% of the women in your life are reserving about 10% of their opinion of you. We are waiting.

    We are waiting for you to have too many drinks one night. We are waiting for you to compliment our new jeans in front of the boss at work. We’re waiting for you to interrupt us and explain our experience back to us – “You weren’t actually catcalled, he just really liked your shirt.” We aren’t waiting because it’s fun, or we’re crazy. But because it happens. all. the. fucking. time. We have to hang back a bit and wait for your inner dirtbag to show himself because experience has shown us that he always fucking does.

    So I believe that you mean everything you’re saying today. I believe you want to protect women from Harvey Weinstein. I believe you genuinely want a safer world for girls.

    I just don’t believe you can be part of that safer world. Not yet. Not while you’re still SHOCKED that Harvey fucking Weinstein is a piece of shitty, shitty shit.

    Oh, you’re shocked?

    Really? Really. REALLY? Pay a-fucking-ttention, CHAD. When you chew up fifteen minutes of my day expressing your total galloping dumbfounded astonishment that the guy that every woman in Hollywood knew was a predator turned out to be a fucking predator, that tells me three things: 1) You don’t talk to very many women about what it’s like to be a woman, and 2) You don’t listen to me, ever, and 3) you don’t believe women when they tell you that something feels creepy, off, or weird about Harvey.

    Guarantee you this conversation happened about 40,000 times over the last 20 years:

    Female Actress: Hey, Harvey just asked me to meet in his hotel room tonight about the script.
    Male Actor: Oh really?
    FA: Yeah, did he ask you too?
    MA: No… but I’m sure it’s fine.
    FA: I don’t know, it feels a little weird.
    MA: Listen, it’s Harvey Weinstein. I’m sure it’s fine.
    FA: I guess, but, you know, you hear things.
    MA: People love to talk about powerful guys. Everyone wants to take him down.
    FA: Yeah, that’s true.
    MA: You’re probably just nervous. This could be a great opportunity for you.
    FA: You’re right.

    Don’t be fucking shocked, Chad. Your shock might be your attempt to empathize with me. You might be trying to imagine how we women feel. Look at these gifs. These are women who walked on the street. The little boxes inside the screen are their loved ones watching what their experience was like. Look at our faces, Chad. All the lady faces. Do we look shocked to you…”

    http://www.katykatikate.com/2017/10/next-level-rage-stroke-harvey-fucking.html?m=1

    October 15, 2017 at 7:08 pm

  3. Rose McGowan encouraged all men to read this:

    “Condemn this behavior when they see it? Bitch, please. You won’t see it. Not because Harvey Weinstein was like a master of deception. But because he is rich and was powerful and you wanted something from him, and the thing you wanted from him mattered way more than whether he literally chased a young girl around the room and forced her to touch his penis and then she left Hollywood and gave up on her lifelong dream of acting because the experience was so humiliating and traumatic.”

    “So. To recap. Again.

    The natural, instinctive response when you hear about Harvey fucking Weinstein:

    1. He’s a monster (not like me)

    2. I would have stopped it (because I’m a good guy)

    3. I have daughters (so now this isn’t okay anymore)

    4. We need to start building a better world and calling this out when we see it (although we don’t have to see it if it’s like really uncomfortable to see it).

    5. I AM SHOCKED.

    What we need your response to be when you hear about Harvey fucking Weinstein:

    1. He’s manipulated his position of power to put women in positions of vulnerability where they couldn’t choose not to engage with him sexually without risking their careers or reputations. I need to work harder to become aware of my position of power, as a man, to make sure that I am not putting women in positions of vulnerability.

    2. What can I do to support women who have suffered sexual assault? This conversation isn’t about how brave and strong I am, it’s about the challenges that women continue to face just existing in the world.

    3. Sexual assault is a violent crime that is offensive to me as a human being, not because I am related to a person who is female.

    4. I am going to work on my own awareness of how I benefit from systems that keep Harvey fucking Weinstein on top for 20 years while he rapes and assaults women. I’m going to work on dismantling those systems. It’s uncomfortable to see it, but I have to see it.

    5. I listen to women. I believe them. I am not shocked.”

    “PS – Here are some statements by famous men who did some stuff right:

    Kevin Smith, thanks for acknowledging how you have profited from Harvey fucking Weinstein’s shitty rape habit:

    He financed the first 14 years of my career –
    and now I know while I was profiting, others were in terrible pain.
    It makes me feel ashamed.

    Seth Rogen, thanks for explicitly saying that you believe women. (I honestly cannot even believe that it’s like a reasonable thing to praise a person for believing that a person might be telling the truth, but, fuck it, it’s 2017, the entire United States of America listened to a candidate for President brag about sexual assault on goddamn tape, listened to him ADMIT that he said it, and then said, “You know what? That’s fine. That’s actually fine. I’m still on the Tru*p train,” soooo here we are, thanks Seth Rogen):

    I believe all the women coming forward about Harvey Weinstein’s sexual harassment.
    It takes bravery to do so.

    Colin Firth, thanks for acknowledging both how you profited from the favor of a sexual predator, and the invisible power dynamic that Harvey fucking Weinstein used to elicit nonconsensual sexual contact from who knows how many women:

    It’s with a feeling of nausea that I read what was going on while I was benefiting from Harvey Weinstein’s support. He was a powerful and frightening man to stand up to.
    It must have been terrifying for these women to step up and call him out.
    And horrifying to be subjected to that kind of harassment.
    I applaud their courage.

    Paul Feig, thanks for saying that women need backup, and for pointing out that there is a cost to speaking up, and also thanks for making good movies about powerful women:

    Men need to speak up.
    This can’t be women just speaking up.
    They need backup.
    It’s a big sacrifice for women to come forward with this stuff.
    As we’ve seen over history, they are generally not rewarded for coming forward.”

    http://www.katykatikate.com/2017/10/next-level-rage-stroke-harvey-fucking.html?m=1

     

    October 15, 2017 at 7:32 pm

  4. Reblogged this on dia * holly * hemlock.

    October 16, 2017 at 12:58 am

  5. Coyote from Orion

    Hope you’re ok. Thanks for listening to me when I needed help those years back.

    October 16, 2017 at 6:30 am

    • Always great to hear from you, Coyote – I hadn’t written in a lonnnnng time; I’m so weary. xxx

      October 16, 2017 at 7:22 am

      • Coyote from Orion

        You’re a fantastic soul and a champion of this stage in history on this planet. This issue is one I find myself on the outside of all as I was a male victim… and more than 2 decades later I don’t like the word victim. In fact nothing offended the system so much as not being the victim they demand we be. The X Files was onto something. Our wage slaves and their databases can handle an alien abduction much more readily than they can other humans being raped.
        Have long been a fan of Rose. Bring the balance back.

        October 16, 2017 at 7:27 am

    • Thanks for your support – and how true: the system does NOT like empowered people who readily protest in the face of abuse.
      Definitely men raped by other men are in the minority, and are *never* taken seriously: rape is rape. Most of the time, men are the source of it – against women, children, and men.
      Women have been known to rape boys, girls, men, women – but I would suspect they had, at one point, been seriously fucked up by something (a man) and are not handling it well… the origin of their behaviour comes from a different place than the origin of male behaviour.

      Anyway, I’m about to make a new post: “DID ROSE MCGOWAN JUST MAKE HERSTORY?” 😉 About her astrology.

      Hopefully, if we get to the source of the problem (male-violence), all its branches will die: pedophilia, rape, power-games and structures, patriarchy – and we can ALL get on with living.

      Hugs!

      Hope you’re doing well.

      October 16, 2017 at 12:50 pm

      • Coyote from Orion

        Blessed be Goddess. Thanks again for several years ago Mardi. Always appreciated. Glad you’re still around.

        October 16, 2017 at 12:54 pm

  6. LeeAnn

    I have been thinking about all the ways I’ve had to contort myself to avoid sexual assault.

    How I don’t wear what I want to wear, don’t dance how I want to dance, don’t have the drink I want to drink, don’t stay out as late as I want to stay. How I’ve learned to shrink into myself when taking public transport. All the strangers I wanted to smile at, talk to– all of those potential gems of human connection. All those slow walks at night I wanted to take, alone. All the weird wonderful music I didn’t get to hear because I couldn’t convince a friend to come with me. All the lonely, beautiful, desolate places. The travels I didn’t go on. The career paths I didn’t take. God, all the opportunities I didn’t take. I could go on.

    Most of all, I think about how men, in every music scene I’ve been a part of, describe their experiences at festivals, shows, concerts; how they can just let go of themselves, release and merge, unselfconscious and unmediated, with the music and the crowd. I think about how I have tried to pursue that feeling and yet can never experience it because I always, always have to be on guard against predation. How badly I wish I could feel safe enough to let go, just once.

    I think about all the ways I’ve lived only half the life I wanted to live, to avoid sexual assault.

    and

    it

    happens

    anyway

    October 16, 2017 at 6:51 am

    • Thank you for freeing your story… x

      October 16, 2017 at 7:20 am

  7. Pingback: DID ROSE McGOWAN JUST MAKE HERSTORY? | *~ Practical Magic ~*

  8. Pingback: Libra New Moon -and- The Root Chakra | Planetary Clarity

  9. thank you for publishing this incredible insight…the topic is not easy to swallow and your shedding light upon the collective shedding makes it the kind of medicine that dissolves deep into consciousness…i am grateful to discover the unveiling positive impact it is having for women to liberate their truth and heal….

    October 18, 2017 at 5:15 pm

    • I Love you.

      October 25, 2017 at 4:20 pm

  10. “Straight, white men tend to tell stories from their perspective, as one naturally does, which means the women are generally underwritten. They don’t necessarily even need names; “Bikini Babe 2” and “Blonde 4” are parts I auditioned for. If the female characters are lucky enough to have names, they are usually designed only to ask the questions that prompt the lead male monologue, or they are quickly killed in service to advancing the plot.”

    https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/10/harvey-weinstein-and-the-economics-of-consent/543618/

    October 28, 2017 at 5:18 pm

  11. “I’m engaged now and have been with the same partner for four years. In the years following the incident with Julie, I’ve changed my behavior in bed. I try to let go of penetrative sex as a goal. I spent my younger years learning about foreplay and intimacy as a “means to an end.” Now intimacy, in all forms, is the end. The best way to get there is to listen to my partner’s words, actions, and body throughout sexual encounters — even if that means stopping sex in its tracks. That is its own form of intimacy.

    I haven’t talked to Julie in years. I’ve thought about reaching out to apologize to her, but I’ve decided against it because it could upset her. Instead, I’m committed to continuing to change how I approach sex, and always making sure there is “fuck yes” affirmative consent.

    I also want to talk to other men about this issue — it’s a conversation I’ve had with male friends, though not regularly. I remember one instance when two male friends and I were talking about sex, and we all admitted to engaging in some type of coercive behavior. None of us were proud of it. These are the kinds of discussions that need to keep happening.”

    https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/1/24/16925444/aziz-ansari-me-too-feminism-consent

    January 25, 2018 at 12:02 pm

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